Imaginary Island Nation Launches Tourism Campaign Aimed at “Most Stressed” Generation
Sophia Cortés decided to run away to Neverland during the last Code Red drill in February. Like most American school-age children, Sophia, a fifth grader, knew exactly what to do and where to go when the alarm signaled that there was an active shooter at Sawyer Elementary School in Clarendon, South Carolina: Find the nearest enclosed space, lock the door, turn off the lights, and don’t make a sound. If the shooter finds you, throw your textbook at them, because it’s better than nothing.
Unlike the previous six Code Red drills she can remember, when she was with her class and her teacher was there to direct them, she had to be the adult this time. Walking back from the bathroom when the alarm sounded, Sophia saw three other students in the hallway, all younger than her, and no adults. Thinking quickly, she waved them over and they all huddled in a supply closet until the all-clear.
“One of the little kids kept crying because he was afraid someone would see his light-up shoes under the door. So I had him take them off and put them up on a shelf. He was fine after that,” Sophia said about her actions, which many have called heroic. She doesn’t think so. “Heroes are supposed to fight bad people, save the day, and have adventures,” Sophia said. “Not hide and wait for the adults to save you.”
Thinking this time there really was a gunman and that she would die, Sophia wondered why she hadn’t gone with her brother, Luca, when a representative for Neverland visited a few months ago. “He flew up to our window with a fairy and told us all about the Neverland. How every day is whatever adventure you want it to be and the only limit is your imagination. If I wanted, they said even Bluey is there!”
One of the most appealing features to Sophia and many Americans her age is the fantasy island’s unique approach to firearms. The only guns in the Neverland are single-shot flintlocks and the only people who have them are pirates who always miss. Pirates are also the only adults in the Neverland. “‘The best part’, he said,” Sophia recalled the representative saying, “‘Is that the children hunt the adults instead of the other way around!’”
Capitalizing on trends that have been growing for years, The Neverland launched “Come away! Come away!” in 2020. Similar to tourist campaigns like Ghana’s “Year of Return” courting African Americans in the wake of high profile police killings of Black civilians, The Neverland hopes to attract America’s youngest disenchanted tourists that it can convert to permanent residents.
“Everyone knows America is a horrible place for children,” a Neverland spokesperson tinkled while flitting frenetically around “Come Away! Come Away!”’s tree-office. “The leading cause of death among minors is gun violence. You have some of the lowest performing schools in the industrialized world. The largest age group living in poverty is children six and under. For a little while during the pandemic, you halved childhood poverty and hunger, but then you let that skyrocket again because you didn’t want to pay for it. Seventeen million kids don’t get enough to eat. The number of children with severe mental health disorders keeps growing every year. The list goes on.”
The fairy spokesperson brightened and darted around creating a glowing halo ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ that lingered, burned into the vision of all in the room, for several moments. “All I’m saying is it’s no wonder your kids want to leave and never come back, you silly a**es.”
In a rapidly growing new district of the Neverland, Salah Hajjar is building the castle of his dreams. With towers reaching above the clouds, hallways reminiscent of The Princess Bride, banquet spaces modeled after Lord of the Rings’ Théoden King’s, and a new adventure around every corner. Nicodemus does not like going outside because he still has lingering fears of skin cancer, wildfire smoke, heat exhaustion, and air pollution, even though there are no such problems in the Neverland. It makes him feel safe to be inside. Here, where anything is possible for children, he can live his dreams in safety.
“All the grownups used to tell me that I was their only hope for the future,” Salah said while battling several inept knights in surprisingly fragile plate mail. “I don’t want to be their hope! I want to be a kid and have fun!”
The Neverland’s tourism campaign isn’t just a humanitarian effort. For as long as anyone can remember (which isn’t long, by their own admission) the human population has often reverted back to one after sporadic booms. Visitors used to come in groups, lured there by what a representative referred to as “our boy,” the most effective recruiter in the island’s history. But, recently, fewer and fewer temporary residents are making their way to The Neverland.
“All over the world, kids are growing up too fast,” says Bell. “Between having unlimited access to information and misinformation, plummeting faith in all societal institutions, political dysfunction, the Climate Crisis, and a society telling them it’s their job to fix all of it, is it any wonder why? That impacts us in the Neverland. Young people are too stressed out about the present and future to dream or even sleep.”
All children, except one, grow up. At least, that’s the way it used to be. The Neverland is adopting a new policy of Childhood Forever For All. This is a dramatic departure from previous long-standing policy of eviction upon reaching a vaguely defined age of majority.
“Look, it’s not like there will be much of a loss for anyone,” said Yang Chia while she sat tossing marshmallows to a ticking crocodile in a lagoon. “They expected my classmates and I to be responsible independent adults? Who’s being unrealistic, here? I was going to turn 18 in two months when a Neverland Agent flew to my window to tell me about their new Age Forgiveness program. They didn’t have to try hard to convince me. Spending eternity as a child in a literal dreamland? You would have to be pretty brainwashed by our surveillance capitalist society not to at least be tempted by that.”
Just as they finished speaking, the crocodile’s head snapped above the water looking intently out to sea, in a cartoonish and anatomically impossible display of naked avarice. After a moment, the crocodile submerged beneath the waves. It’s dark shape and ever-present ticking faded away.
“I mean, seriously,” Yang said, gesturing after the crocodile. “How cool is it that the only literal and metaphorical representation of time in this place is always hunting the adults. We aren’t going to fix Climate Change! You should have to deal with your mistakes. I hope all of you live forever!”
The next sanguine sunrise arrived with the Agent bringing another dozen new tourists to the Neverland. They made landfall just as a congregation of unicorns arrived for their morning frolic through the surf. If you looked hard enough, you could also just see the wraiths, zombies, and monsters of the night yawn and stumble away into the shadows of the underbrush. Another magic boarding school appeared on the clifftops and a flutter of dragons and their riders congregated in the West for a bout of duels and hide-and-go-seek.
“Boy?” Yang asked, looking at this journalist, “Why are you crying?”
sam ferree | scribbler 